Where aggy gets it right

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Overview

While almost every discussion of Texas A&M involved their failures and ineptitude, there are instances where aggy almost manages to keep up with the rest of society. Yes, sometimes aggy gets it right.

Texas A&M University School of Veterinary Medicine

Aggy Veterinary Medicine school logo.jpg
Texas A&M was founded as an agricultural college and, while it might have taken a hell of a long time, when aggy finally got their act together and dedicated themselves to building a veterinary school, they not only got it right, the built the best damned veterinary school on the planet.

They got it so right, that when Bevo XIV, the most esteemed and admired mascot in all of sports, a recognized national treasure, and the mascot of The University of Texas, was stricken by cancer in late 2015, the beloved bovine was rushed to College Station so that he could receive the finest possible care. If anything has ever drawn the UT faithful to show gratitude and respect for their little brother aggy, it is the exceptional care and compassion shown by the TAMU veterinarian staff to Bevo XIV in is waning days.

In all seriousness, TAMU veterinarians truly are the best veterinarians on the planet.

While the faculty and graduates of the Texas A&M University School of Veterinary Medicine are world class, the school's administration - not so much. It seems the A&M veterinarian school, the only veterinarian school in the state, has been placing such an emphasis on graduating small-animal veterinarians, the state's agricultural industry is facing a crisis of too few large-animal veterinarians. To solve this, administrators at Texas Tech University in Lubbock proposed their university open a veterinarian school in the Texas Panhandle, focusing on the state's critical large-animal care needs. This proposal was generally well received by the state Higher Educating Coordinating Board, the agency responsible for coordinating development of publicly-funded post-secondary education programs in Texas.

Texas A&M officials were indifferent to the proposed vet school until one of them noticed a Texas Tech University press release stating the proposed Tech vet school would be "innovative," which is a word that is an anathema to all aggy. Seeking to prevent innovation from being allowed in higher education in Texas wherever possible, Texas A&M officials are fighting to prevent Texas Tech officials from moving forward with their plans for a new veterinary college.

Of course, there are always going to be true examples of "aggy being aggy" in the midst of their peers doing something well... there's the aggy Veterinarian who shot a feral tomcat with a bow-and-arrow, then bragged about it on Twitter (WARNING: Graphic images)[1] and the the aggy vet who has made a career out of hunting Bigfoot[2].

The "Bigfoot Vet" has gone so far as to falsely claim independent peer review and get called out on it:

Journal board tells Ketchum to knock it off October 31, 2013

The former directors of the Journal of Advanced Multidisciplinary Exploration in Zoology – JAMEZ – have warned Melba Ketchum to stop saying she bought their journal and obtained peer review for her Bigfoot DNA study. The dominos continue to fall as her study continues to degrade. Hard to imagine it can GET much lower but I suspect we have not heard the end of it. She tends to keep popping back up with more claims. JAMEZ seems to essentially be accusing her of lying.[3]

"Fighting" Texas A&M aggy Band

Don't get me wrong. The aggy band does a good job at what they do.

It's just that it's the same show over and over and over again.

Seriously.

1963, A year that Will Live...In Infamy

The 1963 Southwest Conference football season started off innocently. It ended with aggy's worst nightmare. While the ags were in year six of a 17 year run of ineptitude and futility where they went 16 of the 17 years with a losing record, their hated rival, The University of Texas Longhorns, were putting together one of the greatest seasons in college football history, a season that would be capped off with a consensus national championship.

While aggy was bumbling on the field, their off-field escapes were legendary.

On Friday. October 4, 1963, aggy stole Tech Beauty, a 9-year-old quarter horse mare that was the mascot of Texas Tech University. aggy were to play Texas Tech on Saturday, October 5. Hours after the game, the Tech mascot still hadn't been found. The horse was eventually found about noon Sunday after searchers returned to the area to discover Tech Beauty tied to a feed trough in a barn. The mare had suffered rope burns and appeared fatigued, but a veterinarian’s check revealed her condition “OK.” The horse had been haphazardly shaved and had the letters ‘AMC’ painted in white paint on each side.[4]

During the 1963 season, aggy went on a tear. They also stole "Super Frog," TCU Horned Frog mascot; "Peruna," the SMU pony; and "Sammy," the six-foot tall fiberglass owl mascot of Rice University. But things went to far when the ags stole Bevo VII, the 1,700 pound mascot of The University of Texas.

A group of sophomore aggy cadets drove a stock trailer down to a ranch outside of Austin where Bevo was kept, loaded him into the trailer under the cover of darkness and drove the captured steer back to College Station. Cattle-rustling is a capital offense in Texas that, to this day, is punishable by hanging in the middle of the town square. The aggy theft of Bevo VII sent off shock waves throughout Texas. The Texas Rangers were called to help locate the missing mascot. He was found alive and well in a College Station farmhouse. The incident so enraged the UT faithful that 30 years later, Longhorn fans kidnapped Reveille, the aggy mascot, to settle the score. Prior to her 1993 kidnapping, Reveille had been the only Southwest Conference mascot never to have been kidnapped.[5]

The theft of Bevo was the inspiration for an ESPN commercial in 2009.

"aggy, Party of One, Your Table is Ready"

Aggypedia aggygroupthink.jpg
One of the most curious aspects of aggy and aggy culture is whether as a neighbor; co-worker; the barista at Starbucks; or the 60 year old guy who delivers for your favorite pizza parlor; when aggy are found in the community not in the company of other aggy, they can be just just as friendly and considerate as well-educated individuals.

It is when aggy get in groups of two or more that their inner crazy and lack of education become overwhelmingly obvious.

aggy are well known in Texas for their community service; helping friends and neighbors; and being kind, considerate individuals. If there is ever a hole in your fence and your herd of pigs escapes, you want to call an aggy for help, because they will be the first to respond. If your tractor breaks down and there is work around the farm that needs done, call an aggy and they will lend you their tractor for the day.

But, if you call an aggy for help and two or more show up, just run like hell and seek shelter.

aggy lacks critical thinking skills. Starting with their freshman indoctrination into the cult-like ways of Texas A&M (called "Fish Camp"), aggy are not taught how to think, rather they are taught what to think. The aggy education is primarily based on rote memorization of information such as engineering formulas and the proper times of the day to feed the chickens.

aggy never question anything they are taught. Their gullibility is a readily-evident feature of their culture. aggy also learns early how to take direction from others. They make great worker drones.

However, when two or more aggy are together for any reason, they revert to their aggy education, and common sense goes right out the window. If your herd of pigs escapes and two or more aggy come to help you round them up, it will be done in aggy fashion, which will leave almost any person shaking their head, wondering "What the hell...."

"aggy ingenuity" is not a compliment, it is a state of mind incomprehensible to most people. When two or more aggy start problem solving, the result is guaranteed to be a story you will be unable to fully explain to the individual you hire to actually fix the problem after the aggy have compounded it massively.

Never allow more than one aggy to be involved in any project.

Never allow two or more aggy to congregate in any one place for longer than 15 seconds.

Never, never, never.

You have been warned.

References

  1. Vet who shot cat with an arrow facing Texas veterinary board this week, Houston Chronicle, http://www.chron.com/news/houston-texas/texas/article/Vet-who-shot-cat-with-an-arrow-facing-Texas-7309038.php#photo-7835360
  2. The Sasquatch Genome Project, http://sasquatchgenomeproject.org/sasquatch_genome_project_006.htm
  3. http://doubtfulnews.com/2013/10/journal-board-tells-ketchum-to-knock-it-off/
  4. http://lubbockonline.com/local-news/2011-10-02/am-rivalry-came-head-horse-kidnapping
  5. https://today.tamu.edu/2011/11/21/a-look-back-memorable-games-and-historical-moments-that-shaped-the-texas-am-university-of-texas-rivalry/