Where aggy gets it right
While almost every discussion of Texas A&M involved their failures and ineptitude, there are instances where the aggys almost manage to keep up with the rest of society. Yes, sometimes aggy gets it right.
Texas A&M University School of Veterinary Medicinebest damned veterinary school on the planet.
They got it so right, that when Bevo XIV, the most esteemed and admired mascot in all of sports, a recognized national treasure, and the mascot of The University of Texas, was stricken by cancer in late 2015, the beloved bovine was rushed to College Station so that he could receive the finest possible care. If anything has ever drawn the UT faithful to show gratitude and respect for their little brother aggys, it is the exceptional care and compassion shown by the TAMU veterinarian staff to Bevo XIV in is waning days.
In all seriousness, TAMU veterinarians truly are the best veterinarians on the planet.
"Fighting" Texas A&M aggy Band
The Texas A&M aggy band is something that must be experienced. Words fail to do it justice.
This isn't to insinuate the Texas A&M aggy band is a military band. The aggy band lacks many of the attributes of military bands. It isn't even a military-style band. No member of the Marine Corps Band or the Army or Navy bands ever looked at the aggy band and said to them self "Yep, that looks like us."
The Texas A&M band is considered by most to be "military adjacent."
With the precision of an apprentice-made Swiss watch and the panache of a German jazz band, the aggy band offers a show that must truly be seen to be appreciated.
The Texas A&M band wasn't always called the "Fighting" Texas A&M band. The "fighting" moniker dates back to the 1973 Texas A&M vs Rice football game performance by the Rice University Marching Owl Band. It is a story etched forever in Texas history.
The performance was rather tame by Rice Marching Owl Band standards:
ACTION: Band lines up on north end of field. Called to attention.
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the 1973 Marching Owl Band, or MOB -(pause) the only thing funnier than a good Aggie joke. The MOB is directed by Mr. Bert Roth, with twirlers Janet Breston, Suzan McCorkle, Liz Moy and Karen Blackwell. And, in his last appearance with the MOB today, the person responsible for pulling together the halftime shows this year, Drum Major Bob Hord.
ANNOUNCER: Today the MOB salutes Texas A & M and the Aggie band. So to begin, the band will warm up with a little old- fashioned military marching. (In German accent) You will enjoy!
ACTION: Band goosesteps out to old Germanesque march. Stops, Marches into chicken leg.
ANNOUNCER: Before we go any further into our halftime festivities, the MOB takes time to pay tribute to Mr. Marvin Zindler. (Pause) Yes, you heard correctly - the MOB has formed a large chicken thigh, and Marvin Zindler, the (most hated man in La Grange) will twirl to that famous greeting "Hello, Dolly."
MUSIC: "Hello, Dolly"
ACTION: Band marches into boot to cadence.
ANNOUNCER: The MOB has formed a famous Senior Boot, the greatest thing to happen to Aggieland since the manure spreader. (Pause) Aggie freshmen will agree that at the base of every Senior boot is a big heel.
MUSIC: "Get It On."
ANNOUNCER: The MOB now salutes Reveille, the mascot of the Aggies. This is a little dog with a big responsibility. But even Reveille likes to make that pause that refreshes. (Pause) So the MOB has formed a fire hydrant and plays "Oh Where, Oh Where Has My Little Dog Gone?"
MUSIC: "Oh Where, Oh Where Has My Little Dog Gone?"
ACTION: Band marches into giant T.
ANNOUNCER: The MOB now salutes the Marching Band from Aggieland by forming their famous marching T. (Pause) Watch now as the MOB has it their way.
ACTION:Band plays bugle call intro to the Aggie War Hymn and transitions into
MUSIC: "Little Wooden Soldier" March.
ANNOUNCER: There you have it, fans, the band that never sounds retreat. Thank you and goodbye.
ACTION: Band runs off while trumpets blow "Retreat".
The aggys were fuming. As explained by the Rice faithful:
It was November 1973 when Texas A&M fans filled Rice Stadium, outnumbering the local Owls fans. The MOB launched into what is now called “The Halftime of Infamy,” a show that mocked the traditions Aggies hold sacred. Band members goose-stepped to a German march. They formed a fire hydrant on the field and mocked Aggie mascot Reveille, playing “Where, Oh Where Has My Little Dog Gone?” And they lampooned the Aggie “War Hymn,” beginning to play the sacred song and then sliding into “March of the Wooden Soldiers.”
By the end of halftime, the Aggie fans were angry. They threw seat cushions and drink cups from the stadium’s top deck, and a brief scuffle erupted on the sideline. At least one MOBster was hit by a flying drink. Police stepped in to calm things down before the beginning of the third quarter. But, as the clock wound down, the Aggies were far from calm. In the game’s last two minutes, a 95-yard run gave Rice the winning touchdown. The stunning win fueled the Aggies’ anger. The crowd wanted to retaliate, and MOB members feared they were in danger. “We got the band down to a tunnel under the stadium,” Hord said, “and waited for the crowd to leave, but they wouldn’t disperse.”A crowd of at least 200 Aggies lingered outside the stadium, yelling threats and waiting for the MOB to come out. The band had to remain hidden for hours, until campus food service trucks were sent to the rescue. Late in the evening, the trucks pulled out of the stadium with MOB members hidden safely inside.
1963, A year that Will Live...In Infamy
The 1963 Southwest Conference football season started off innocently. It ended with the aggy's worst nightmare. While the ags were in year six of a 17 year run of ineptitude and futility where they went 16 of the 17 years with a losing record, their hated rival, The University of Texas Longhorns, were putting together one of the greatest seasons in college football history, a season that would be capped off with a consensus national championship.
While aggy was bumbling on the field, their off-field escapes were legendary.
On Friday. October 4, 1963, The aggys stole Tech Beauty, a 9-year-old quarter horse mare that was the mascot of Texas A&M University. The aggys were to play Texas Tech on Saturday, October 5. Hours after the game, the Tech mascot still hadn't been found. The horse was eventually found about noon Sunday after searchers returned to the area to discover Tech Beauty tied to a feed trough in a barn. The mare had suffered rope burns and appeared fatigued, but a veterinarian’s check revealed her condition “OK.” The horse had been haphazardly shaved and had the letters ‘AMC’ painted in white paint on each side.
During the 1963 season, the aggys went on a tear. They also stole "Super Frog," TCU Horned Frog mascot; "Peruna," the SMU pony; and "Sammy," the six-foot tall fiberglass owl mascot of Rice University. But things went to far when the ags stole Bevo VII, the 1,700 pound mascot of The University of Texas.
A group of sophomore aggy cadets drove a stock trailer down to a hog farm outside of Austin where Bevo was kept, loaded him into the trailer under the cover of darkness and drove the captured steer back to College Station. Cattle-rustling is a capital offense in Texas that, to this day, is punishable by hanging in the middle of the town square. The aggys' theft of Bevo VII sent off shock waves throughout Texas. The Texas Rangers were called to help locate the missing mascot. He was found alive and well in a College Station farmhouse. The incident so enraged the UT faithful that 30 year later, some still unidentified Longhorns fans kidnapped Reveille, the aggy mascot, to settle the score. Prior to her 1993 kidnapping, Reveille had been the only Southwest conference mascot never to have been kidnapped.
The theft of Bevo was the inspiration for an ESPN commercial in 2009.
"aggy, Party of One, Your Table is Ready"
It is when aggy get in groups of two or more that their inner crazy and lack of education become overwhelmingly obvious.
aggy are well known in Texas for their community service; helping friends and neighbors; and being kind, considerate individuals. If there is ever a hole in your fence and your herd of pigs escapes, you want to call an aggy for help, because they will be the first to respond. If your tractor breaks down and there is work around the farm that needs done, call an aggy and they will lend you their tractor for the day.
But, if you call an aggy for help and two or more show up, just run like hell and seek shelter.
aggy lacks critical thinking skills. Starting with their freshman indoctrination into the cult-like ways of Texas A&M (called "Fish Camp"), aggy are not taught how to think, rather they are taught what to think. The aggy education is primarily based on rote memorization of information such as engineering formulas and the proper times of the day to feed the chickens.
aggy never question anything they are taught. Their gullibility is a readily-evident feature of their culture. aggy also learns early how to take direction from others. They make great worker drones.
However, when two or more aggys are together for any reason, they revert to their aggy education, and common sense goes right out the window. If your herd of pigs escapes and two or more aggy come to help you round them up, it will be done in aggy fashion, which will leave almost any person shaking their head, wondering "What the hell...."
"aggy ingenuity" is not a compliment, it is a state of mind incomprehensible to most people. When two or more aggy start problem solving, the result is guaranteed to be a story you will be unable to fully explain to the individual you hire to actually fix the problem after the aggy have compounded it massively.
Never allow more than one aggy to be involved in any project.
Never allow two or more aggy to congregate in any one place for longer than 15 seconds.
Never, never, never.
You have been warned.