Aggy embarrassments

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Aggypedia embarrassed.jpg

aggy has always had a hard time staying out of their own way.

For anyone else, their continued tripping over their collective feet would be reason to pause and reflect on why this is happening.

For aggy, it is (of course) a "turdition".

aggypedia will document some of the "Greatest Hits" of aggy embarrassments here.

aggy jokes. They write themselves.

Johnny Football

The saga of Johnny Manziel is the stuff of aggy legend and deserves his own page.

Football Follies

Every. Single. Year.

aggy football is embarrassing enough (see the stats in the aggy athletics page).

The rabid fan base, the unreasonable (and completely unfounded) preseason hype, the march through an early cupcake out-of-conference schedule, and the inevitable correction are always fun to watch.

There have been a few memorable moments over the years, though, that deserve a little special place on aggypedia.

Defending Kyle Field from SMU cheerleaders

1981. SMU vs aggy at Kyle Field.

aggy hubris about the "sacredness" of the turf on Kyle Field was at an all-time high for some reason. The SMU cheerleaders, as they did at EVERY game, would run out and spell out "S", "M", and then "U" after a touchdown.

aggy toy soldier attacks!

Well, some aggy Corps Turd decided that it was time to defend the artificial turf and drew his ceremonial sword from his toy soldier uniform and brandish it threateningly at the cheerleader.

See for yourself what happened next.

And, of course, there are still aggy to this day that defend this idiot.

aggy were never again allowed to have swords at public events.


Ouch. That'll leave a mark
Poor Fran

Even aggy faithful were embarrassed in 2003 as OUsux were already up 77-0 in the THIRD QUARTER:

Most humiliating drive in football history.

OU was running straight ahead the whole drive, basically trying to get stopped. The Aggies never stopped them, so Stoops ordered the RB to fall down when they got too close to the end zone.

And the refs let the clock roll non-stop.[1]

Fran and Stoops agreed to let the clock roll non-stop prior to the 2nd half.[2]

...and then Johnny Jolly does a victory war dance after stopping the OUsux RB at the end of the game:

Battle of the Brazos

It was only towards the end of the aggy-Baylor series that the moniker "Battle of the Brazos" was regularly used, however it was the 1926 aggy-Baylor game that almost literally came to artillery shells being fired.

It started in with the Baylor homecoming parade at halftime:

Baylor newspaper report November 1, 1926, relevant section highlighted

The 1926 football game coincided with Baylor's homecoming. During halftime Baylor Homecoming floats paraded around the field. When a float - actually a car pulling a flatbed trailer with several female Baylor students - neared the section where the Texas A&M Corps of Cadets sat, a cadet raced towards the car and grabbed the steering wheel.

The motion caused Louise Normand to fall off the truck, injuring her and inciting a large riot. Students began using metal folding chairs and planks of wood that had been used as yard markers for weapons. Texas A&M student Lt. Charles Sessums was hit in the head during the melee and, although he initially appeared to recover, he died following the game.[3]

Members of the aggy Corps were so upset, aggy claims that they "returned to College Station, mounted a cannon on a flatbed rail car, commandeered an engine and were going to attack the Baylor campus."[3]

There is no known substantiation for any part of that story.

Is this another aggy legend without basis in fact? Perhaps... but the bad blood between aggy and Baylor continues to this day.

"Battle of the Alamo" in Lubbock

(aka, The Legend of "GAP Kid")

This, too, deserves its own aggypedia page.


5'7" Poopflinger

This, literal, shoveler-of-shit during the 2005 Texas-aggy game at Kyle Field decided it would be funny to fling a shovel full of horse shit up into the air over the Longhorn Band.

No. Not making this up:

He was charged with "criminal mischief". aggy, of course, was split between a few rational aggy (RARE) agreeing on the punishment and most of the red-ass aggy saying it was no big deal.[4]

Claiming the Spring Game as a victory

This is an actual screenshot from the official aggy football page for the 2006 season - note the 2007 Spring Game included as part of that stellar TEN WIN SEASON!

Aggy 10 win season.jpg

Question: Since aggy were playing themselves, shouldn't it have been a defeat, too?

Oh aggy.

aggy staffer HITS WVU player

During the 2014 Liberty Bowl, an aggy student assistant actually takes a swing at a West Virginia University player on the aggy sideline. Awesome.

Premature video-jaculation

Good choice Brandon

aggy got all hot-and-bothered about landing potential superstar safety Brandon Jones that they made a video about him.[5]

Like everything else aggy... it was wrought with failure.

Hubris, in Greek tragedy, is defined as "excessive pride toward or defiance of the gods, leading to nemesis." So when popular Texas A&M website used their considerable resources this year to produce a high-quality film about one recruit, a top target for Texas A&M's 2016 class, the stage was set. On An Island: Being Brandon Jones[5] documents the recruiting process of one of the Aggies' biggest targets, the top Texas safety and ESPN 300 #49 overall recruit Brandon Jones.

The best part is the huge plot twist at the end.[6]

QBU... not

In yet another premature celebration, aggy claimed they were the new QBU (Quarterback University) and posted this:

Qbu aggyversion.jpg

Reality, as always, has a way of biting aggy in the butt:

Qbu realityversion.jpg

Glow-in-the-dark aggy

glow-in-the-dark aggy

aggy decided that they were going to go all-out for a Halloween night game in 2015 with special aggy-SWAG-alicious glow-in-the-dark and reflective BLACK uniforms that would show how "cool and hip" aggy has become.

The special all-black "aggy Nights" uniform was scheduled for their 2015 game against South Carolina, and aggy just presumed that they'd be slotted for the prestigious night game because (1) they had this cool glow-in-the-dark uniform and (2) they were aggy.


Oops: Texas A&M will wear its 'Aggie Nights' uniforms at 11 a.m.[7]

Texas A&M announced the arrival of a new all-black "Aggie Nights" alternate uniform back in August. At the time of the announcement, the plan was to wear the uniforms for Halloween against South Carolina at Kyle Field.

But what Texas A&M could not plan on was the SEC slotting the game for the early slate on Oct. 31 (Noon ET/11 a.m. in College Station).

Oh. Wait. You mean da S!E!C! didn't give aggy that prestigious night game slot?

I guess aggy is still the Rodney Dangerfield of whatever conference they're in.

Sammy the Owl

In the finest tradition of collegiate hijinx, aggy stole a sawdust-stuffed canvas owl from Rice in 1917 and promoted it to General.

... and in fully-expected aggy manner, went totally off the rails when Rice students dared try to retrieve it.

FRANTASTIC newsletter

From 2004 until he was caught and threatened with termination in 2007, aggy football coach Dennis Franchione sold "insider information" as a newsletter called the "VIP Connection".[8]

As is par for aggy, it's not lying or cheating if they don't get caught. However, in this case:

The newsletter was discovered by athletic director Bill Byrne after it was presented to him by a San Antonio Express-News reporter, who had received it through an unidentified A&M booster. Byrne immediately instructed Franchione to discontinue the newsletter, at which time Franchione complied.[8]


The last issue of the newsletter, dated September 13, 2007, revealed that Franchione earned a net profit of $37,806.32 from the newsletter. In a press conference the following Tuesday, October 2, Franchione apologized in front of A&M football players and expressed his love for the job and the university, and his desire to "elevate the program to its highest level." A&M players also expressed their support for Franchione as a coach.[8][9]

This wasn't enough, though, as aggy administration had to resolve this before the NCAA became involved.

The investigation concluded that Franchione violated two NCAA rules and one of the Big 12's "Principles and Standards of Sportsmanship".[10] These findings were in turn reported to the NCAA.[11] The NCAA requires coaches to submit reports that include "athletically related income and benefits from sources outside of the institution", which is also required by Franchione's contract.[12]

The newsletter and the website were shut down before any other embarrassment could be found, and Franchione resigned unceremoniously at the end of the 2007 season.


2016 Prairie View A&M football game

aggy showed themselves to be totally predictable hosts to the visiting "Separate but Equal" PVAMU fans.

aggy tacklebox, aka "Kyle Field"

The tacklebox deserves its own page.

aggy Billboards

Yup. Billboards.

aggy entries in the Fulmer Cup

"Can you help me with this?"

Pittman suspended after being charged with indecency(If parking car, beware of smiling Aggies) [13]

A Texas A&M University football player has been charged with indecent exposure after police say he masturbated in a university parking lot while smiling at a female student who was trying to park her car.

Tate Pittman, a freshman defensive lineman from Odessa, was released Thursday from the Brazos County Jail after posting $10,000 bail. He has been suspended from the team, according to a release issued by A&M athletics director Bill Byrne.

A female student was trying to park her car Oct. 28 when Pittman, 18, pulled up next to her in a Dodge Ram and began smiling at her, according to court records.

When the woman walked closer to the truck, records state, Pittman asked her, “Can you help me with this?” as he motioned to his exposed genitals, court documents state.

Reddit List

The entire list of aggy entries from /r/TheFulmerCup


Aggy listeater.jpg

Another aggy legend.

While waiting overnight in line for tickets for the 2005 Cotton Bowl, one unnamed aggy woman (forever nicknamed "Listeater") marched right past snoring fans at 4:30am and took her place at the head of the line. When other aggy started waking up at 6:00am and began protesting, she grabbed the posted sign-up list of students who had been waiting for days -- and ate it.[14]


No, neither the aforementioned paper consumer nor the mouthwash, but aggy mismanagement of a Texas icon - Bluebell Ice Cream.

(stand by)

Called out by Jim Rome

Real or Interwebbes Legend - doesn't matter, still funny. Go read

2016 aggy Chalk Talk

aggy women pay $80 each to attend sexist pre-season women's football clinic - typical aggy

aggy political idiocy

Really? REALLY?

Please note - this is not an endorsement nor a repudiation of ANY political party or stance (there are idiots across the entire political spectrum). It's just a documentation of "aggy being aggy" in political arenas.

aggy has a history of creating t-shirts at the drop of a hat for pretty much any reason. One of their gameday "turditions" is (again not created by nor limited to aggy fans) "Beat The Hell Outta (insert team name here)".

aggy, of course, went one further with the politically-charged (and incredibly racially- and historically-insensitive) "Beat The Hell Outta OBAMA" t-shirts.

Oh aggy.

Then, there's the aggy McCain campaign worker who, in the heat of the 2008 Presidential election, thought it would be appropriate (and somehow helpful) to FAKE an attack on herself[15]:

Todd, who is white, initially told police she was attacked by a 6-foot-4 black man Wednesday night.

She told investigators she was attempting to use a bank branch ATM when the man approached her from behind, put a knife with a 4- to 5-inch blade to her throat and demanded money. She said she handed the assailant $60 and walked away.

Todd claimed that she suspected the man then noticed a McCain sticker on her car, became angry and punched her in the back of the head, knocking her to the ground and telling her "you are going to be a Barack supporter," police said.

She said he continued to punch and kick her while threatening "to teach her a lesson for being a McCain supporter," police said. She said he then sat on her chest, pinned her hands down with his knees and scratched a backward letter "B" into her face with a dull knife.

But, in aggy "turdition", this was all made-up.

On Friday, when she admitted the story was fabricated, Todd told police she believes she cut the backward "B" onto her own cheek, but she didn't explain how or why, Bryant said.

"She said she doesn't remember doing it but knows it must have been her who did it," Bryant said, according to the Tribune-Review.

Todd reportedly said she thought of Barack Obama when she saw the "B" on her cheek and minutes later "came up what a plan" to manufacture the story, according to Bryant.

She now tells investigators she was neither robbed nor attacked.

Oh aggy.


Let's not forget the 1990 Texas gubernatorial election campaign with Clayton William's famous aggy insight into rape[16]... presented without further comment:

aggy YouTube wonders

aggy documenting themselves on Internet video will never not be funny.

How can you forget "Raise Up Bryan College Station"?

... or the aggy Yell Leaders getting fired up and touching their tra-la-las?

no aggy, I will not touch your tra la la


What do you notice first?

  • The "way-too-tight-and-short" shorts?
  • The shirts-tucked-into said short-shorts?
  • The (faaaaaaaabulous!) boots?
  • The uncoordinated sliding down a TINY ONE DEGREE INCINE?
  • The cheering section whooping and screeching when each aggy attempts the dangerous slide?

Oh. Wait. THE SWORD!

Remember when aggy joined the S!E!C! and they thought it was clever to promote "family unity"?

As with every other aggy joke, they didn't realize that their new conference mates were not laughing *with* them.

Grief Counseling


To Bevel or Not To Bevel

No, not an aggy production of Macbeth... but an honest argument about the bevel on the aggy logo, complete with website, bumper stickers, letter-writing campaigns, etc.[17]


aggy has so many bizarre "turditions", that we had to make a page of them.

Aggy turditions.jpg They're all so embarrassing, but also so representative of aggy.

"The Giving Steve"[18] agrees with his essay on "Why A&M is Just the Worst".

Poor aggy

...and to end on a positive note - a non-aggy video highlighting some of the "best of aggy"


  3. 3.0 3.1
  5. 5.0 5.1 COMING SOON ... On an Island: Being Brandon Jones,
  6. Brandon Jones Commits To Texas Despite TexAgs Documentary About Him,
  7. "Oops: Texas A&M will wear its 'Aggie Nights' uniforms at 11 a.m.",
  8. 8.0 8.1 8.2
  9. Davis, Bryan (2007-09-30). "Franchione tells players newsletter a mistake". Dallas Morning News. Retrieved 2007-09-30.
  10. Miller, John (2007-11-06). "A&M admonishes Franchione". Fort Worth Star-Telegram. Retrieved 2007-10-12.[dead link]
  11. Davis, Brian (2007-11-15). "A&M forwards 'VIP' report to NCAA". Dallas Morning News. Retrieved 2007-11-15.
  12. "Source says Texas A&M, Franchione discussing settlement". ESPN. 2007-11-05. Retrieved 2007-11-05.
  15. Cops: McCain Worker Made Up Attack Story, CBS News, 10/24/08,
  18. "Why A&M is Just the Worst, The Giving Steve,