Difference between revisions of "Aggy embarrassments"

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It was only towards the end of the aggy-Baylor series that the moniker "Battle of the Brazos" was regularly used, however it was the 1926 aggy-Baylor game that almost literally came to artillery shells being fired.
 
It was only towards the end of the aggy-Baylor series that the moniker "Battle of the Brazos" was regularly used, however it was the 1926 aggy-Baylor game that almost literally came to artillery shells being fired.
[[File:Aggy baylor1926paper.jpg|right|thumb|Baylor newspaper report November 1, 1926, relevant section highlighted]]
+
 
 
It started in with the Baylor homecoming parade at halftime:
 
It started in with the Baylor homecoming parade at halftime:
 
<blockquote>The 1926 football game coincided with Baylor's homecoming. During halftime Baylor Homecoming floats paraded around the field. When a float - actually a car pulling a flatbed trailer with several female Baylor students - neared the section where the Texas A&M Corps of Cadets sat, a cadet raced towards the car and grabbed the steering wheel. The motion caused Louise Normand to fall off the truck, injuring her and inciting a large riot. Students began using metal folding chairs and planks of wood that had been used as yard markers for weapons. Texas A&M student Lt. Charles Sessums was hit in the head during the melee and, although he initially appeared to recover, he died following the game.<ref name="Chron">https://web.archive.org/web/20110604073347/http://www.chron.com/CDA/archives/archive.mpl?id=1990_737358</ref></blockquote>
 
 
Members of the aggy Corps were so upset, they "returned to College Station, mounted a cannon on a flatbed rail car, commandeered an engine and were going to attack the Baylor campus."<ref name="Chron"></ref>
 
 
There is no known substantiation for any part of that story.
 
 
Is this another aggy legend without basis in fact?  Perhaps... but the bad blood between aggy and Baylor continues to this day.
 
 
==="Battle of the Alamo" in Lubbock===
 
 
(aka, The Legend of "GAP Kid")
 
 
====The Set-up====
 
 
November 2001.  Texas Tech had just defeated aggy 12-0 at Jones Field in Lubbock.
 
 
aggy, as they often do, exhibit ultimate class and timing by breaking into their mind-numbed ritualistic chanting (aka "yell practice") right when the home team is playing their school song, post victory, for the alumni, fans, and team to sing.
 
 
Tech fans, not liking that one bit, tore down their own goalposts and marched the full length of the field towards the aggy contingent, who were already taunting the Tech fans as they approached.
 
 
In molasses-like slow motion, the goalpost parts were slowly fed up into the stands where the aggy faithful stood.  It was when at least one Tech fan tried to climb up into those stands that things got ugly. You can see the conflict yourself below - real action starts some 40 seconds in...
 
 
<youtube>8DSRsieiGWg</youtube>
 
 
====The aggy version====
 
[[File:Aggy alamodefender.jpg|right|thumb|Blood actually caused by a fellow aggy]]
 
 
The Battalion (aggy newspaper) has lost, deleted, moved, or otherwise prevented viewing of things before 2006, HOWEVER... this article by Doug Fuentes on November 3, 2001 reported the following (pay special attention to the bolded/italicized text):
 
  
 
<blockquote>
 
<blockquote>
Dr. Mike McKinney, chief of staff for Texas Gov. Rick Perry, was among the Texas A&M fans assaulted during the post-game celebration by Texas Tech fans after the Red Raiders' 12-0 defeat over A&M at Jones SBC Stadium Saturday.
+
[[File:Aggy baylor1926paper.jpg|right|thumb|Baylor newspaper report November 1, 1926, relevant section highlighted]]
 
+
The 1926 football game coincided with Baylor's homecoming. During halftime Baylor Homecoming floats paraded around the field. When a float - actually a car pulling a flatbed trailer with several female Baylor students - neared the section where the Texas A&M Corps of Cadets sat, a cadet raced towards the car and grabbed the steering wheel.  
McKinney, 50, is the father of A&M senior center Seth McKinney. He was involved in a skirmish in the stands and received eight stitches from A&M team physician Dr. J. P. Bramhall.
 
  
...
+
The motion caused Louise Normand to fall off the truck, injuring her and inciting a large riot. Students began using metal folding chairs and planks of wood that had been used as yard markers for weapons. Texas A&M student Lt. Charles Sessums was hit in the head during the melee and, although he initially appeared to recover, he died following the game.<ref name="Chron">https://web.archive.org/web/20110604073347/http://www.chron.com/CDA/archives/archive.mpl?id=1990_737358</ref></blockquote>
  
As the final seconds of the game ticked off, Tech fans went down on the field and headed toward the south end zone goal posts.
+
Members of the aggy Corps were so upset, aggy claims that they "returned to College Station, mounted a cannon on a flatbed rail car, commandeered an engine and were going to attack the Baylor campus."<ref name="Chron"></ref>
  
Despite the goal posts being guarded by more than half a dozen Texas Tech University police officers and numerous requests from the stadium public address announcer for the fans to stay off the field, the fans tore down the goal posts.
+
There is no known substantiation for any part of that story. Because it never happened. But there are gullible aggys who today believe the incident actually did occur.  
  
The fans then carried the goal posts to the north end zone, toward section 15, where McKinney and other A&M fans were sitting. The Tech fans shoved the goal posts into the stands. McKinney, who was against the wall closest to the field, attempted to keep the fans from coming up into the stands.
+
It is true that prior to 1926 the U.S. Army did loan a pre-WWI surplus artillery piece to the school for training purposes. Artillery pieces were still horse-drawn at the time, so cadets trained on how to hitch the artillery piece to the team of six horses for transportation. What the gullible aggys seem not to understand is that in 1926, the U.S. Army did not release live, high explosive artillery ammunition to public universities just so they could have a supply on hand. Texas A&M never had an artillery range. There was no need whatsoever for the school to have any live artillery ammunition, and even if they did have some ammunition for training purposes, artillery shells used in training at the time were designed to kick up small cloud of dust so observers could note where they landed. Training ammunition was cheaper than live ammunition and the military was in a post-war budget cutting mode. Cheaper even still were inert wooden replicas of ammunition that would have actually been used by civilians training on public college campuses.
  
'''''"I was trying to keep them from coming up in the stands," McKinney said. "I pushed two of them down, and grabbed my binoculars and said, `The next one that comes up gets it.' Then, somebody who was already in the stands, I guess, came up and knocked the fool out of me. I saw him hit me -- a kid in a red shirt.'''''
+
So, the aggys who believe the Baylor/cannon story believe a dozen college kids hauled a three-thousand pound artillery piece by hand from their campus to the train station, lifted it onto a rail car with the intent of taking it to Waco, then taking it off the rail car in Waco and rolling it by hand two miles to the Baylor campus, and once the gun was in position, in unison, yelling "BANG!" as loudly as they could, seeing how they had no actual ammunition whatsoever for the gun.  
  
'''''"It was like the Alamo," McKinney said. "They were coming up over the wall."'''''
+
And THIS is what is considered logical thinking in aggyland.  
</blockquote>
 
  
====The *real* version====
+
Notwithstanding aggy fairy tales of military greatness and enraged students attempting mass murder with an unloaded howitzer, the bad blood between aggy and Baylor continues to this day.
  
Of course, aggy is misleading again.  It's in their sheep-dilluted DNA.
+
==="Battle of the Alamo" in Lubbock===
  
Post-game investigations found that McKinney was actually hit and bloodied by a fellow aggy!<ref>"Aggie guilty of throwing punch", http://lubbockonline.com/stories/110601/loc_1106010040.shtml#.V8MDFpgrK70</ref>
+
(aka, The Legend of "GAP Kid")
 
 
<blockquote>Tech President David Schmidly confirmed that an A&M student, not a Tech student, struck Dr. Mike McKinney during a melee after the football game. He said Tech police took a report from the student after the altercation.</blockquote>
 
 
 
The Dallas Morning News wrote a story (now behind their paywall), titled "Probe finds McKinney was hit by another Aggie", which also said:
 
 
 
<blockquote>An investigation led by Texas Tech president David Schmidly has revealed that some Texas A&M fans were not hit by Texas Tech fans after the schools' football game last Saturday.
 
 
 
'''''Aggies were punching Aggies.'''''
 
 
 
Schmidly said he is truly sorry for the events that occurred after Tech's 12-0 victory, a win that sparked a postgame melee fueled by students who toppled the goalpost in the southern end zone. But Schmidly said neither he nor the university would take action on behalf of Dr. Mike McKinney, who was injured afterward.
 
 
 
McKinney, Gov. Rick Perry's chief of staff and father of A&M center Seth McKinney, suffered a cut over his eye that required eight stitches. That cut was the result of a punch thrown by A&M student Reginald Wallace in the northern end zone of Jones SBC Stadium, Schmidly said.
 
 
 
The incident happened as Tech fans tried to shove the fallen goalposts into the A&M seating section. Wallace gave a sworn statement to Tech university police after the game, Schmidly said. Calls to Wallace's work and residence were not returned.
 
 
 
"Scapegoating people just because people have jobs or they're in the limelight is something that does not need to be done," Schmidly said. "I hope Mr. McKinney does the same thing." </blockquote>
 
 
 
So - maroon-on-maroon violence (moron-on-moron?) was the true reason for Dr. McKinney's now heralded bloody eyebrow.
 
 
 
====The GAP kid====
 
[[File:GAPkid.jpg|right|thumb|350px|The GAP kid!]]
 
One particular future Tech student, then-13-year-old Vincent Valdez, became something of an Internet legend, finger raised high in a "#1" salute leading a crowd carrying the goalpost.  It was Vincent's "GAP" t-shirt that earned him the moniker "GAP kid".
 
 
 
<div class="toccolours mw-collapsible mw-collapsed">
 
It was some time later that he actually told his side of the story, while selling that now famous GAP t-shirt as a charity donation. (click the link to the right to expand):
 
<div class="mw-collapsible-content"><blockquote>
 
The year was 2001 and the location was Jones Stadium. The incident is called "GoalpostGate II" by some because of the controversy that surrounds the events of that day. The Texas Tech Red Raiders beat the Texas A&M Aggies and, although we were favored, some idiots in the student section decide to bring down the goalposts.
 
 
 
We (I say "we" because I made it onto the field but was not part of the contigent bringing down the goalposts) decided to march the goalposts out of the stadium, with an intention to lay them at the feet of Will Rogers and Soapsuds. However, members of Lubbock's finest decide to blockade the easiest route out of the stadium, the player tunnels. As if by some sort of telepathy, the entire mob decides that the next easiest route out of the stadium will be to the Northeast, over the fence.
 
 
 
Keep in mind that that 5 minutes have already passed.
 
 
 
Well, one problem. The Agroids were glued to thier seats, stunned as they watched the mob make their way towards them at a rate slower than molasses. Apparently, Aggy wants to practice their Yells because they hadn't done well enough in the game, as evidenced by their loss. Either that, or they ran out of time. The final score had been 12 - 0, so at the rate they were scoring, maybe with another 6 or 8 quarters they could've overtaken the mighty Red Raiders.
 
 
 
Another 3 or 4 minutes passed as the mob marches the goalposts 120 yards to the north. Some of the nastier Agroids decide that they've seen enough of the celebrating and start flipping the mob off and chant "You Suck, You Suck." This only enraged the mob who had endured the Agroids "practicing" a Yell during the playing of the Texas Tech School Song after the game and before the goalposts came tumbling down.
 
 
 
In response, the mob starts chanting "Aggies Suck, Aggies Suck!" A few guys from within the mob decide to climb up into the stands to guide the goalposts over the Aggs since they won't move. One guy, who was leading the right post, walked up 4 rows past Ags without saying a word to instigate what came next.
 
 
 
Apparently, Colonel William McKinney, Governor Rick Perry's Chief of Staff, decided he'd had enough and decided to take action to defend the Aggy turf. It must've looked like the Mexicans climbing over the outer walls of the Alamo Mission because of the way he described the scene afterwards: "It was like I was defending the Alamo."
 
 
 
Well, Kernal McKinney tries to push some hapless chap over the wall back into the crowd of Mexicans, and others in the area viewed this as a provocation and a riot broke out.
 
 
 
The fisticuffs lasted approximately 3 or 4 minutes as two different areas broke into fights.
 
 
 
Afterwards, news media gathered around McKinney as he recounted his tales of heroism in defending the Alamo. McKinney proudly proclaimed that he decided to swing his binoculars in the air, much like an olympian does in the hammer throw, to hurt the "next one that came over that wall." McKinney was bleeding profusely from his right eyebrow; McKinney said he was blind-sided by a Techie and had "the fool knocked out of him." (What I have in quotes are actual things he said.) Tech Athletic Trainers attempted to dress the wound, but he refused attention from them, demanding that A&M Trainers bandage him.
 
 
 
Well, McKinney promises to hurt Tech in Austin where in the next budget meeting; after all, he was Rick Perry's right hand man. The next day, Perry comes out and publicly blasts Texas Tech fans everywhere and is harshest on the school administration.
 
 
 
You know, if you hear Aggies describe the story, it sounds as if everything happened the instant the final gun sounded. Hearing it from them, it sounded as if they were being accosted by 400 college aged guys that had come straight from working out at Gold's Gym.
 
 
 
Well, 2 or 3 days go by and people everywhere are examining the videos from the melee to determine who exactly was at fault. Tech President Schmidley (a former A&M faculty member) promises to be harsh on anyone involved. 6 students are identified and 2 are kicked out of the University.
 
 
 
Another day goes by and a young Black man approaches the media regarding the incidents. He's an Aggie and he was there. He admits to the media that he was the one that "knocked the fool" out of McKinney. When asked why he did it, he said "I did it because the guy was spinning his binoculars around looking for someone to hurt. I did it to keep him from hurting anyone."
 
 
 
Agroids everywhere are appalled by the man's admission. Why in the world would an Aggy punch another Aggy? Well, Ags decide to ostracize him for his admission instead of McKinney, because this obviously makes Aggy look bad. Red Raiders everywhere are left waiting for McKinney to apologize... and we're still waiting on his or Governor Goodhair's apologies for blasting Tech before all the facts were known.
 
 
 
Well, another day goes by and pictures begin to circulate. Amongst them are pictures of the crowd that accosted the Aggies.
 
 
 
Well, guess what? 90% of the crowd happens to be Junior High Kids!!! As I mentioned before, hearing the Ag version makes it sound as if there were hundreds of College guys, but here was proof otherwise! This only added to the comedy that was "GoalpostGate II." One boy in particular, a boy by the name of Vincent Valdez, aged 13, helped lead the charge against the Agroids. His image was plastered everywhere. Here is a picture of a boy leading the charge to pounce on the Ags, wounded by the loss!
 
 
 
He was wearing a "GAP" shirt and was surrounded by other characters, such as "The Pirate," "Tank Top Girl," and "Harry Potter Kid." Hardly a group that appears mean enough to take down the Aggy empire. Anyways, enough talking... It will become quickly evident to you why the Gap Kid has served to ridicule Aggies everywhere and why he has grown to become an internet legend amongst RaiderPower and Hornfans posters.
 
 
 
This is the real t-shirt that I was wearing in the pictures I have kept it ever since then. It will be signed “In Memory of Jud Thorne” “Vince Valdez, The Gap Kid 2005”
 
 
 
You can pick up the shirt from me on campus or I will ship it anywhere.
 
 
 
Bid generously,
 
 
 
Vince Valdez
 
</blockquote></div>
 
</div>
 
 
 
If you want to read more, [https://texastech.rivals.com/news/gap-kid-remembers-2001-game he posted on a Tech board with his memories of that game].
 
  
<br clear="all">
+
'''[[GAP_kid|This, too, deserves its own aggypedia page.]]'''
  
 
===Poop-flinger===
 
===Poop-flinger===
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===Claiming the Spring Game as a victory===
 
===Claiming the Spring Game as a victory===
[[File:Aggy 10 win season.jpg|thumb|right|This is an actual screenshot - note the Spring Game]]
+
 
Question:  Since aggy were playing themselves, shouldn't it have been a defeat, too?
+
This is an actual screenshot from the official aggy football page for the 2006 season - note the 2007 Spring Game included as part of that stellar '''TEN WIN SEASON'''!
 +
 
 +
[[File:Aggy 10 win season.jpg]]
 +
 
 +
Question:  ''Since aggy were playing themselves, shouldn't it have been a defeat, too?''
  
 
Oh aggy.
 
Oh aggy.
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The best part is the huge plot twist at the end.<ref>Brandon Jones Commits To Texas Despite TexAgs Documentary About Him, http://www.goodbullhunting.com/2016/2/3/10904746/i-see-burnt-orange-people</ref>
 
The best part is the huge plot twist at the end.<ref>Brandon Jones Commits To Texas Despite TexAgs Documentary About Him, http://www.goodbullhunting.com/2016/2/3/10904746/i-see-burnt-orange-people</ref>
 
</blockquote>
 
</blockquote>
 +
 +
<br clear="all">
  
 
===QBU... not===
 
===QBU... not===
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Whoops!
 
Whoops!
  
==aggy tacklebox, aka "Kyle Field"==
+
===2016 Prairie View A&M football game===
  
There are so many things that can be said about Kyle Field.
+
aggy showed themselves to be '''[[Prairie_View_A%26M#2016_Football_vs_aggy 2016|totally predictable hosts]]''' to the visiting "Separate but Equal" PVAMU fans.
  
* It's loud (yup, a bunch of nut-grabbing, sheep-humping, fake-soldier-playing, mind-numbed hicks can be extremely loud)
+
===aggy Powerlifting===
* It's ugly (oh dear lord yes)
 
* It's got great sightlines (that's a big ol' NOPE)
 
* It's structurally sound (wait, what?)
 
  
===Loud===
+
To answer the age-old question of "How many aggy does it take to perform a basic rowing exercise?"
  
No argument.  Get that many coordinated nut-grabbers in one stadium, they'll be loud.
+
[[File:Aggy powerlifting.gif]]
  
===Ugly===
+
...taken (not out of context) from this [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Yca_EPYdmA YouTube video] (starting at 0:53).
  
Kyle Field has never been what you would call a "pretty" stadium.  It's been called "The Tacklebox" for a reason.  When aggy added the North End Zone, it was cobbled together without any thought of integrating into the existing erector set style... and it showed.
+
==aggy tacklebox, aka "Kyle Field"==
  
[[File:Aggy kylebefore.jpg|500px]]
+
'''[[Kyle_Field|The tacklebox deserves its own page]].'''
 
 
The "upgrade", closing in the South End Zone, was originally supposed to bring some uniformity to the design, tie in all levels with each other, and create a seamless structure.
 
 
 
Nope.
 
 
 
[[File:Aggy kyleafter details.jpg|500px]]
 
 
 
Nintendo thinks aggy nailed it.
 
[[File:Aggy donkeykong.jpg]]
 
 
 
===Sightlines===
 
 
 
This is some '''PRIME''' seating right here.
 
 
 
[[File:Aggy kyleprimeseating.jpg|Sway into that wall aggy]]
 
 
 
===Unstable===
 
[[File:Aggy swayingstadium.jpg|right|thumb|Yeah, that looks safe!]]
 
When you have to re-engineer your BRAND NEW STADIUM UPGRADE because it sways like crepe paper streamers in the wind every time a freaking SONG is played?  Yeah.  aggy engineering.<ref>"Texas A&M reinforcing stadium seats due to swaying when 'Sandstorm' is played", http://www.thescore.com/news/791447</ref>
 
 
 
<blockquote>
 
Texas A&M is steeling Kyle Field against the anthem that has blasted in almost every stadium at some point during the game. Literally.
 
 
 
The south end zone stands have been reinforced with additional steel to combat the swaying that occurs when the techno song "Sandstorm" by Darude plays, according to the Houston Chronicle's Brent Zwerneman.<ref>"Kyle Field reinforcements swaying Aggies' concerns", http://www.houstonchronicle.com/sports/aggies/article/Kyle-Field-reinforcements-swaying-Aggies-concerns-6366773.php?t=8418125ca2b087cae0&cmpid=twitter-premium</ref>
 
 
 
"It's very technical, but the particular frequency (of 'Sandstorm') was the issue," said Craig Kaufman, project manager for the architectural firm Populous, which designed the Aggies' rebuilt stadium.
 
</blockquote>
 
  
 
==aggy Billboards==
 
==aggy Billboards==
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Another aggy legend.
 
Another aggy legend.
  
While waiting overnight in line for tickets for the 2005 Cotton Bowl, one unnamed aggy woman (forever nicknamed "Listeater") marched right past snoring fans at 4:30am and took her place at the head of the line.  When other aggy started waking up at 6:00am and began protesting, she grabbed the posted sign-up list of students who had been waiting for days -- '''and ate it'''.<ref>http://www.foxnews.com/story/2004/12/14/list-eater-on-loose-in-texas.html</ref>
+
While waiting overnight in line for tickets for the 2005 Cotton Bowl, one unnamed aggy woman (forever nicknamed "Listeater") marched right past snoring fans at 4:30am and took her place at the head of the line.   
 +
 
 +
When other aggy started waking up at 6:00am and began protesting, she grabbed the posted sign-up list of students who had been waiting for days -- '''and ate it'''.<ref>http://www.foxnews.com/story/2004/12/14/list-eater-on-loose-in-texas.html</ref>
 +
 
 +
While you may think that the funniest part was her justification:
 +
 
 +
<blockquote>"The piece of paper doesn't justify a spot in line to me if no one is standing there," the anonymous woman, a senior, later told the Battalion, the student newspaper. "If they wanted a spot, they should've woken up."</blockquote>
 +
 
 +
...it was actually (as is typical) the aggy response:
 +
 
 +
<blockquote>"As we kept standing out there, people kept yelling, 'Beat the hell out of the list-eater,'" student Micah Gertson told KBTX-TV of Bryan and College Station, Texas. "As she's up there talking, '''people started throwing doughnuts at her'''."
 +
 
 +
Aggie football fans regularly urge the team to "beat the hell out of" its opponents.
 +
 
 +
Texas A&M football coach Dennis Franchione (search), who'd shown up with the doughnuts, reportedly told the woman, "Eat doughnuts, not paper."
 +
 
 +
The "list-eater" told the Battalion that she'd meant to burn the list, but shoved it in her mouth when someone in the crowd grabbed her.</blockquote>
 +
 
 +
...and to top it all off, they actually celebrate this day in aggy history as a "piece of (aggy) lore" over at Good Bull Hunting.<ref>AGGIE FLASHBACK: The Listeater Saga, Dec 9, 2004, http://www.goodbullhunting.com/2016/12/9/13848480/aggie-flashback-the-listeater-saga-dec-9-2004-texas-a-m-tennessee-fran-donuts-cotton-bowl</ref>
 +
 
 +
<blockquote>I remember grabbing my Fran donut and surveying the scene, finally coming to terms with the ridiculousness of the morning.
 +
 
 +
I was on the list. My name was eaten.
 +
 
 +
I am a piece of Texas A&M lore.</blockquote>
 +
 
 +
==Hurricane Preparedness==
 +
[[File:Aggy bookstorehurricane.jpg|thumb|right|aggy hurricane preparedness]]
 +
 
 +
How does an aggy prepare for a hurricane?
 +
 
 +
By boarding up windows of course... FROM THE INSIDE!
 +
 
 +
Is this another aggy joke or real?  As with other aggy embarrassments, it's both.
 +
 
 +
During the preparation for Hurricane Rita in 2005, the aggy campus bookstore took the orders to board up their windows (in preparation for possible coast hurricane landfall some 100+ miles away) very very seriously.
 +
 
 +
Most normal people would protect the glass by putting the boards on the outside of the glass (to keep it from breaking).  Not aggy, though.  Their boards were on the inside.
 +
 
 +
When this picture made the rounds on the Internet and aggy started taking incoming rounds of (justifiable) ridicule, they backpedaled and trotted out an excuse that they couldn't install the plywood on the outside of the windows... even though '''everyone else''' who's ever done hurricane preparedness has been able to do it.
 +
 
 +
<blockquote>Our windows will not support the weight of plywood screwed into their frames — neither is there sufficient masonry wall surrounding them for an attachment — therefore our contractor a "good Ag" suggested saving the store from a major cleanup and letting the glass go — it wasn't a difficult decision to make!<ref>http://www.snopes.com/katrina/photos/aggie.asp</ref></blockquote>
 +
 
 +
Oh aggy.
 +
 
 +
==Blue Bell Ice Cream==
 +
 
 +
The sad story of the "Little Creamery in Brenham" and its aggy mismanagement '''[[Blue_Bell|can be found here]]'''.
  
 
==Called out by Jim Rome==
 
==Called out by Jim Rome==
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'''[[2016_aggy_Chalk_Talk|aggy women pay $80 each to attend sexist pre-season women's football clinic]]''' - typical aggy
 
'''[[2016_aggy_Chalk_Talk|aggy women pay $80 each to attend sexist pre-season women's football clinic]]''' - typical aggy
 +
 +
==Stairway to Nowhere==
 +
 +
While that could actually be a valid description of any stairway on the aggy campus, in this case, it's legitimately a stairway to '''NOWHERE'''.
 +
 +
As part of the long-planned upgrade to the aggy Recreation Center (the mind boggles at the thought of "aggy recreation"), the original designers, [http://marmonmok.com/projects/texas-am-university-student-recreation-center/ MarmonMok], drew up plans that actually included a stairway that went 7 steps up straight into a solid concrete wall. 
 +
 +
The construction team, being good little mind-numbed aggy, followed the plan without question and did exactly what the aggy designers intended.  It's the gray concrete wall that matches the rest of the Soviet-style aggy "architecture" that really sets the standard here, although the aggy FrankenKroger stadium has its own [http://aggypedia.com/wiki/Kyle_Field#Sightlines concrete wall sightline issues].
 +
 +
<gallery heights=250px caption="aggy Stairway to Nowhere" mode=packed style="border-radius: 5px; -moz-border-radius: 5px; -webkit-border-radius: 5px; border: 2px solid #800000; margin: auto;">
 +
File:Aggy Rec Center stairway to nowhere PLAN.jpg|The original aggy architect's plan
 +
File:M.C. Escher stairs.jpg|aggy inspiration
 +
File:Aggy Rec Center stairway to nowhere.jpg|The final (as-constructed by aggy) Stairway to Nowhere
 +
File:Aggy coyote stairs.gif| Wylie Coyote finds a good use for the Stairway to Nowhere '''(click to enjoy!!!)'''
 +
</gallery>
  
 
==aggy political idiocy==
 
==aggy political idiocy==
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{{#ev:vimeo|26529303|||no aggy, I will not touch your tra la la|frame}}
 
{{#ev:vimeo|26529303|||no aggy, I will not touch your tra la la|frame}}
  
Ready for the MOST AWKWARD VIDEO EVER?  What do you notice first?  The "way-too-tight-and-short" shorts?  The shirts-tucked-into said short-shorts?  The (faaaaaaaabulous!) boots?  The uncoordinated sliding down a TINY ONE DEGREE INCINE?  The cheering section whooping and screeching when each aggy attempts the dangerous slide?
+
Ready for the MOST AWKWARD VIDEO EVER?   
 +
 
 +
What do you notice first?   
 +
* The "way-too-tight-and-short" shorts?   
 +
* The shirts-tucked-into said short-shorts?   
 +
* The (faaaaaaaabulous!) boots?   
 +
* The uncoordinated sliding down a TINY ONE DEGREE INCINE?   
 +
* The cheering section whooping and screeching when each aggy attempts the dangerous slide?
  
Oh.  Wait.  THE SWORD!   
+
Oh.  Wait.  '''''THE SWORD!'''''  
  
 
<youtube>uXVakLNL2cY</youtube>
 
<youtube>uXVakLNL2cY</youtube>
Line 432: Line 373:
  
 
<youtube>Fe09zx2PZTI</youtube>
 
<youtube>Fe09zx2PZTI</youtube>
 +
 +
As with every other aggy joke, they didn't realize that their new conference mates were not laughing *with* them.
  
 
==Grief Counseling==
 
==Grief Counseling==
Line 440: Line 383:
  
 
No, not an aggy production of Macbeth... but an honest argument about the bevel on the aggy logo, complete with website, bumper stickers, letter-writing campaigns, etc.<ref>http://nobevel.com/</ref>
 
No, not an aggy production of Macbeth... but an honest argument about the bevel on the aggy logo, complete with website, bumper stickers, letter-writing campaigns, etc.<ref>http://nobevel.com/</ref>
 +
 +
==Animal Husbandry - apparently wanting it to be literally legal==
 +
 +
The Texas Legislature on Saturday, May 20, 2017 moved one step closer to joining the large majority of state governments that consider sexual conduct between humans and animals or fowl a crime.
 +
 +
'''[http://www.legis.state.tx.us/BillLookup/History.aspx?LegSess=85R&Bill=SB1232 Texas Senate Bill 1232]''', by State Sen. Joan Huffman, R-Houston, would make bestiality a state jail felony and require offenders to be added to the state’s sex offender registry. The punishment would jump to a second-degree felony if the crime occurred in the presence of a child or resulted in serious injury or death for the animal.
 +
 +
'''[http://www.journals.house.state.tx.us/hjrnl/85r/pdf/85RDAY76FINAL.PDF#page=35 The legislation tentatively passed 122 to 6]''' and must receive final approval in the lower chamber before being sent back to the Texas Senate. The House members who voted no included state Reps. Trent Ashby, R-Lufkin; Ernest Bailes, R-Coldspring; John Cryer, R-Lockhart; John Raney, R-College Station; Gary VanDeaver, R-New Boston; and James White, R-Hillister.
 +
 +
Anyone wanna guess the educational background of the 6 dissenters?
 +
 +
Anyone?
 +
 +
I'll give you a hint.  It starts with "a" and ends with "ggy".
 +
 +
* Ashby - A graduate of Texas A&M University with a bachelor's degree in Agricultural Economics
 +
* Bailes - Following his graduation from Texas A&M, Bailes founded his company, Repro Select, an advanced reproductive services provider for cattle and whitetail deer producers across the south-central United States.
 +
* Cryer - A 1995 graduate of Texas A&M University, where he served as Commander of the Fightin’ Texas Aggie Band.
 +
* Raney - A member of the Texas A&M Class of 1969, graduating with a BBA in Marketing. While in college, John founded Texas Aggieland Bookstore, which has now been in operation for forty-six years.
 +
* VanDeaver - Holds a doctorate obtained in 1996 in professional education from Texas A&M University–Commerce.
 +
* White - Graduated with honors from Prairie View A&M University (a member of the Texas A&M University System) in 1986 with a Bachelor of Arts degree in political science.
 +
 +
One day later, they apparently realized the "optics" of their vote and '''[https://www.texastribune.org/2017/05/20/texas-house-advances-bill-would-outlaw-bestiality/ filed statements that they had actually intended to vote "yes"]'''.  Oopsie aggy!  Your first vote for f**king sheep was recorded!
 +
 +
==The aggy Liberty Bell==
 +
 +
[[File:Bell save for independence.png|thumb|right|It was a Savings Bond campaign prop]]Inside the Academic Building on the Texas A&M campus is a life-sized replica of the Liberty Bell, a hallowed and revered campus artifact. aggy lore (and aggy Fish Camp) explains
 +
<blockquote>"A replica Liberty Bell is housed inside the rotunda.  After WWII, a replica of the famous Liberty Bell was sent to each state to honor each state's contribution to the war effort.  Texas is the only state that didn't keep their bell in the capitol— the Texas Governor gave the bell to Texas A&M to thank the University for the 14,130 Aggies who served in WWII."<ref>Traditions at Texas A&M, http://www.tamuiba.com/traditions-at-am/</ref></blockquote>
 +
 +
As one might suspect, this is yet another instance where aggy "lore" exists entirely as an aggy fairy tale, having little to do with reality.
 +
 +
[[File:Liberty Bell to A&M FWST 7-6-50.jpeg|thumb|right|Ft Worth Star-Telegram July 6, 1950]]In early 1950, the U.S. Treasury launched a Savings Bond sales campaign to help finance the federal government's budget deficit. The theme of the campaign was "Save for Your Independence." To help with the campaign, the Treasury Department, aided by some private companies, commissioned 55 Liberty Bell replicas to be manufactured. These replicas were put on flat-bed trucks and sent to the various states to be used as stage props for celebrities and politicians giving sales speeches in cities and towns across the land.
 +
 +
By June 1950, the sales campaign had concluded and the Treasury Department simply "gifted" the stage props to each state government. Texas state officials had no logical place to house a used stage prop with no historical significance whatsoever. The administrators of Texas A&M contacted the governor and asked they be allowed to display the stage prop on their campus. Permission was granted by Gov. Allan Shivers.
 +
 +
The Texas replica was not given to aggy as a token of gratitude - it was given to them because they requested it and no one else wanted it.
 +
 +
'''''It had nothing to do with WWII - it was a stage prop for a 1950 Savings Bond sales campaign.'''''
 +
 +
It is not the only one not in a state capitol - They can be found in front of museums (LA, MI, OH OK, VT), on college campuses (MD), at a Presidential Library (MO), in parks (MO, OR), at high schools (ND), at fire stations (VA) and various other locations. http://tomlovesthelibertybell.com/liberty-bell-replica-locations/
 +
 +
Exactly how and when the aggy "gift as a token of gratitude" fairy tale was started, but it serves as yet another example of "aggy turdition" unquestionably being completely fabricated.
  
 
==Turditions==
 
==Turditions==
[[File:Aggy turditions.jpg|right]]
 
 
aggy has so many bizarre '''"[[Aggy_turditions|turditions]]"''', that we had to make a page of them.
 
aggy has so many bizarre '''"[[Aggy_turditions|turditions]]"''', that we had to make a page of them.
  
 +
[[File:Aggy turditions.jpg]]
 
They're all so embarrassing, but also so representative of aggy.
 
They're all so embarrassing, but also so representative of aggy.
  

Latest revision as of 16:53, 12 February 2018

Aggypedia embarrassed.jpg

aggy has always had a hard time staying out of their own way.

For anyone else, their continued tripping over their collective feet would be reason to pause and reflect on why this is happening.

For aggy, it is (of course) a "turdition".

aggypedia will document some of the "Greatest Hits" of aggy embarrassments here.

aggy jokes. They write themselves.


Johnny Football

The saga of Johnny Manziel is the stuff of aggy legend and deserves his own page.

Football Follies

Every. Single. Year.

aggy football is embarrassing enough (see the stats in the aggy athletics page).

The rabid fan base, the unreasonable (and completely unfounded) preseason hype, the march through an early cupcake out-of-conference schedule, and the inevitable correction are always fun to watch.

There have been a few memorable moments over the years, though, that deserve a little special place on aggypedia.

Defending Kyle Field from SMU cheerleaders

1981. SMU vs aggy at Kyle Field.

aggy hubris about the "sacredness" of the turf on Kyle Field was at an all-time high for some reason. The SMU cheerleaders, as they did at EVERY game, would run out and spell out "S", "M", and then "U" after a touchdown.

aggy toy soldier attacks!

Well, some aggy Corps Turd decided that it was time to defend the artificial turf and drew his ceremonial sword from his toy soldier uniform and brandish it threateningly at the cheerleader.

See for yourself what happened next.

And, of course, there are still aggy to this day that defend this idiot.

aggy were never again allowed to have swords at public events.

77-0

Ouch. That'll leave a mark
Poor Fran

Even aggy faithful were embarrassed in 2003 as OUsux were already up 77-0 in the THIRD QUARTER:

Most humiliating drive in football history.

OU was running straight ahead the whole drive, basically trying to get stopped. The Aggies never stopped them, so Stoops ordered the RB to fall down when they got too close to the end zone.

And the refs let the clock roll non-stop.[1]

Fran and Stoops agreed to let the clock roll non-stop prior to the 2nd half.[2]

...and then Johnny Jolly does a victory war dance after stopping the OUsux RB at the end of the game:

Battle of the Brazos

It was only towards the end of the aggy-Baylor series that the moniker "Battle of the Brazos" was regularly used, however it was the 1926 aggy-Baylor game that almost literally came to artillery shells being fired.

It started in with the Baylor homecoming parade at halftime:

Baylor newspaper report November 1, 1926, relevant section highlighted

The 1926 football game coincided with Baylor's homecoming. During halftime Baylor Homecoming floats paraded around the field. When a float - actually a car pulling a flatbed trailer with several female Baylor students - neared the section where the Texas A&M Corps of Cadets sat, a cadet raced towards the car and grabbed the steering wheel.

The motion caused Louise Normand to fall off the truck, injuring her and inciting a large riot. Students began using metal folding chairs and planks of wood that had been used as yard markers for weapons. Texas A&M student Lt. Charles Sessums was hit in the head during the melee and, although he initially appeared to recover, he died following the game.[3]

Members of the aggy Corps were so upset, aggy claims that they "returned to College Station, mounted a cannon on a flatbed rail car, commandeered an engine and were going to attack the Baylor campus."[3]

There is no known substantiation for any part of that story. Because it never happened. But there are gullible aggys who today believe the incident actually did occur.

It is true that prior to 1926 the U.S. Army did loan a pre-WWI surplus artillery piece to the school for training purposes. Artillery pieces were still horse-drawn at the time, so cadets trained on how to hitch the artillery piece to the team of six horses for transportation. What the gullible aggys seem not to understand is that in 1926, the U.S. Army did not release live, high explosive artillery ammunition to public universities just so they could have a supply on hand. Texas A&M never had an artillery range. There was no need whatsoever for the school to have any live artillery ammunition, and even if they did have some ammunition for training purposes, artillery shells used in training at the time were designed to kick up small cloud of dust so observers could note where they landed. Training ammunition was cheaper than live ammunition and the military was in a post-war budget cutting mode. Cheaper even still were inert wooden replicas of ammunition that would have actually been used by civilians training on public college campuses.

So, the aggys who believe the Baylor/cannon story believe a dozen college kids hauled a three-thousand pound artillery piece by hand from their campus to the train station, lifted it onto a rail car with the intent of taking it to Waco, then taking it off the rail car in Waco and rolling it by hand two miles to the Baylor campus, and once the gun was in position, in unison, yelling "BANG!" as loudly as they could, seeing how they had no actual ammunition whatsoever for the gun.

And THIS is what is considered logical thinking in aggyland.

Notwithstanding aggy fairy tales of military greatness and enraged students attempting mass murder with an unloaded howitzer, the bad blood between aggy and Baylor continues to this day.

"Battle of the Alamo" in Lubbock

(aka, The Legend of "GAP Kid")

This, too, deserves its own aggypedia page.

Poop-flinger

5'7" Poopflinger

This, literal, shoveler-of-shit during the 2005 Texas-aggy game at Kyle Field decided it would be funny to fling a shovel full of horse shit up into the air over the Longhorn Band.

No. Not making this up:

He was charged with "criminal mischief". aggy, of course, was split between a few rational aggy (RARE) agreeing on the punishment and most of the red-ass aggy saying it was no big deal.[4]

Claiming the Spring Game as a victory

This is an actual screenshot from the official aggy football page for the 2006 season - note the 2007 Spring Game included as part of that stellar TEN WIN SEASON!

Aggy 10 win season.jpg

Question: Since aggy were playing themselves, shouldn't it have been a defeat, too?

Oh aggy.

aggy staffer HITS WVU player

During the 2014 Liberty Bowl, an aggy student assistant actually takes a swing at a West Virginia University player on the aggy sideline. Awesome.

Premature video-jaculation

Good choice Brandon

aggy got all hot-and-bothered about landing potential superstar safety Brandon Jones that they made a video about him.[5]

Like everything else aggy... it was wrought with failure.

Hubris, in Greek tragedy, is defined as "excessive pride toward or defiance of the gods, leading to nemesis." So when popular Texas A&M website TexAgs.com used their considerable resources this year to produce a high-quality film about one recruit, a top target for Texas A&M's 2016 class, the stage was set. On An Island: Being Brandon Jones[5] documents the recruiting process of one of the Aggies' biggest targets, the top Texas safety and ESPN 300 #49 overall recruit Brandon Jones.

The best part is the huge plot twist at the end.[6]


QBU... not

In yet another premature celebration, aggy claimed they were the new QBU (Quarterback University) and posted this:

Qbu aggyversion.jpg

Reality, as always, has a way of biting aggy in the butt:

Qbu realityversion.jpg

Glow-in-the-dark aggy

glow-in-the-dark aggy

aggy decided that they were going to go all-out for a Halloween night game in 2015 with special aggy-SWAG-alicious glow-in-the-dark and reflective BLACK uniforms that would show how "cool and hip" aggy has become.

The special all-black "aggy Nights" uniform was scheduled for their 2015 game against South Carolina, and aggy just presumed that they'd be slotted for the prestigious night game because (1) they had this cool glow-in-the-dark uniform and (2) they were aggy.

Cue Lee Corso: "NOT SO FAST MY FRIEND!"

Oops: Texas A&M will wear its 'Aggie Nights' uniforms at 11 a.m.[7]

Texas A&M announced the arrival of a new all-black "Aggie Nights" alternate uniform back in August. At the time of the announcement, the plan was to wear the uniforms for Halloween against South Carolina at Kyle Field.

But what Texas A&M could not plan on was the SEC slotting the game for the early slate on Oct. 31 (Noon ET/11 a.m. in College Station).

Oh. Wait. You mean da S!E!C! didn't give aggy that prestigious night game slot?

I guess aggy is still the Rodney Dangerfield of whatever conference they're in.

Sammy the Owl

In the finest tradition of collegiate hijinx, aggy stole a sawdust-stuffed canvas owl from Rice in 1917 and promoted it to General.

... and in fully-expected aggy manner, went totally off the rails when Rice students dared try to retrieve it.

FRANTASTIC newsletter

From 2004 until he was caught and threatened with termination in 2007, aggy football coach Dennis Franchione sold "insider information" as a newsletter called the "VIP Connection".[8]

As is par for aggy, it's not lying or cheating if they don't get caught. However, in this case:

The newsletter was discovered by athletic director Bill Byrne after it was presented to him by a San Antonio Express-News reporter, who had received it through an unidentified A&M booster. Byrne immediately instructed Franchione to discontinue the newsletter, at which time Franchione complied.[8]

Oops.

The last issue of the newsletter, dated September 13, 2007, revealed that Franchione earned a net profit of $37,806.32 from the newsletter. In a press conference the following Tuesday, October 2, Franchione apologized in front of A&M football players and expressed his love for the job and the university, and his desire to "elevate the program to its highest level." A&M players also expressed their support for Franchione as a coach.[8][9]

This wasn't enough, though, as aggy administration had to resolve this before the NCAA became involved.

The investigation concluded that Franchione violated two NCAA rules and one of the Big 12's "Principles and Standards of Sportsmanship".[10] These findings were in turn reported to the NCAA.[11] The NCAA requires coaches to submit reports that include "athletically related income and benefits from sources outside of the institution", which is also required by Franchione's contract.[12]

The newsletter and the coachfran.com website were shut down before any other embarrassment could be found, and Franchione resigned unceremoniously at the end of the 2007 season.

Whoops!

2016 Prairie View A&M football game

aggy showed themselves to be totally predictable hosts to the visiting "Separate but Equal" PVAMU fans.

aggy Powerlifting

To answer the age-old question of "How many aggy does it take to perform a basic rowing exercise?"

Aggy powerlifting.gif

...taken (not out of context) from this YouTube video (starting at 0:53).

aggy tacklebox, aka "Kyle Field"

The tacklebox deserves its own page.

aggy Billboards

Yup. Billboards.

aggy entries in the Fulmer Cup

"Can you help me with this?"

Pittman suspended after being charged with indecency(If parking car, beware of smiling Aggies) [13]

A Texas A&M University football player has been charged with indecent exposure after police say he masturbated in a university parking lot while smiling at a female student who was trying to park her car.

Tate Pittman, a freshman defensive lineman from Odessa, was released Thursday from the Brazos County Jail after posting $10,000 bail. He has been suspended from the team, according to a release issued by A&M athletics director Bill Byrne.

A female student was trying to park her car Oct. 28 when Pittman, 18, pulled up next to her in a Dodge Ram and began smiling at her, according to court records.

When the woman walked closer to the truck, records state, Pittman asked her, “Can you help me with this?” as he motioned to his exposed genitals, court documents state.

Reddit List

The entire list of aggy entries from /r/TheFulmerCup

Listeater

Aggy listeater.jpg

Another aggy legend.

While waiting overnight in line for tickets for the 2005 Cotton Bowl, one unnamed aggy woman (forever nicknamed "Listeater") marched right past snoring fans at 4:30am and took her place at the head of the line.

When other aggy started waking up at 6:00am and began protesting, she grabbed the posted sign-up list of students who had been waiting for days -- and ate it.[14]

While you may think that the funniest part was her justification:

"The piece of paper doesn't justify a spot in line to me if no one is standing there," the anonymous woman, a senior, later told the Battalion, the student newspaper. "If they wanted a spot, they should've woken up."

...it was actually (as is typical) the aggy response:

"As we kept standing out there, people kept yelling, 'Beat the hell out of the list-eater,'" student Micah Gertson told KBTX-TV of Bryan and College Station, Texas. "As she's up there talking, people started throwing doughnuts at her."

Aggie football fans regularly urge the team to "beat the hell out of" its opponents.

Texas A&M football coach Dennis Franchione (search), who'd shown up with the doughnuts, reportedly told the woman, "Eat doughnuts, not paper."

The "list-eater" told the Battalion that she'd meant to burn the list, but shoved it in her mouth when someone in the crowd grabbed her.

...and to top it all off, they actually celebrate this day in aggy history as a "piece of (aggy) lore" over at Good Bull Hunting.[15]

I remember grabbing my Fran donut and surveying the scene, finally coming to terms with the ridiculousness of the morning.

I was on the list. My name was eaten.

I am a piece of Texas A&M lore.

Hurricane Preparedness

aggy hurricane preparedness

How does an aggy prepare for a hurricane?

By boarding up windows of course... FROM THE INSIDE!

Is this another aggy joke or real? As with other aggy embarrassments, it's both.

During the preparation for Hurricane Rita in 2005, the aggy campus bookstore took the orders to board up their windows (in preparation for possible coast hurricane landfall some 100+ miles away) very very seriously.

Most normal people would protect the glass by putting the boards on the outside of the glass (to keep it from breaking). Not aggy, though. Their boards were on the inside.

When this picture made the rounds on the Internet and aggy started taking incoming rounds of (justifiable) ridicule, they backpedaled and trotted out an excuse that they couldn't install the plywood on the outside of the windows... even though everyone else who's ever done hurricane preparedness has been able to do it.

Our windows will not support the weight of plywood screwed into their frames — neither is there sufficient masonry wall surrounding them for an attachment — therefore our contractor a "good Ag" suggested saving the store from a major cleanup and letting the glass go — it wasn't a difficult decision to make![16]

Oh aggy.

Blue Bell Ice Cream

The sad story of the "Little Creamery in Brenham" and its aggy mismanagement can be found here.

Called out by Jim Rome

Real or Interwebbes Legend - doesn't matter, still funny. Go read

2016 aggy Chalk Talk

aggy women pay $80 each to attend sexist pre-season women's football clinic - typical aggy

Stairway to Nowhere

While that could actually be a valid description of any stairway on the aggy campus, in this case, it's legitimately a stairway to NOWHERE.

As part of the long-planned upgrade to the aggy Recreation Center (the mind boggles at the thought of "aggy recreation"), the original designers, MarmonMok, drew up plans that actually included a stairway that went 7 steps up straight into a solid concrete wall.

The construction team, being good little mind-numbed aggy, followed the plan without question and did exactly what the aggy designers intended. It's the gray concrete wall that matches the rest of the Soviet-style aggy "architecture" that really sets the standard here, although the aggy FrankenKroger stadium has its own concrete wall sightline issues.

aggy political idiocy

Really? REALLY?

Please note - this is not an endorsement nor a repudiation of ANY political party or stance (there are idiots across the entire political spectrum). It's just a documentation of "aggy being aggy" in political arenas.

aggy has a history of creating t-shirts at the drop of a hat for pretty much any reason. One of their gameday "turditions" is (again not created by nor limited to aggy fans) "Beat The Hell Outta (insert team name here)".

aggy, of course, went one further with the politically-charged (and incredibly racially- and historically-insensitive) "Beat The Hell Outta OBAMA" t-shirts.

Oh aggy.

Then, there's the aggy McCain campaign worker who, in the heat of the 2008 Presidential election, thought it would be appropriate (and somehow helpful) to FAKE an attack on herself[17]:

Fake.
Todd, who is white, initially told police she was attacked by a 6-foot-4 black man Wednesday night.

She told investigators she was attempting to use a bank branch ATM when the man approached her from behind, put a knife with a 4- to 5-inch blade to her throat and demanded money. She said she handed the assailant $60 and walked away.

Todd claimed that she suspected the man then noticed a McCain sticker on her car, became angry and punched her in the back of the head, knocking her to the ground and telling her "you are going to be a Barack supporter," police said.

She said he continued to punch and kick her while threatening "to teach her a lesson for being a McCain supporter," police said. She said he then sat on her chest, pinned her hands down with his knees and scratched a backward letter "B" into her face with a dull knife.

But, in aggy "turdition", this was all made-up.

On Friday, when she admitted the story was fabricated, Todd told police she believes she cut the backward "B" onto her own cheek, but she didn't explain how or why, Bryant said.

"She said she doesn't remember doing it but knows it must have been her who did it," Bryant said, according to the Tribune-Review.

Todd reportedly said she thought of Barack Obama when she saw the "B" on her cheek and minutes later "came up what a plan" to manufacture the story, according to Bryant.

She now tells investigators she was neither robbed nor attacked.

Oh aggy.

um....

Let's not forget the 1990 Texas gubernatorial election campaign with Clayton William's famous aggy insight into rape[18]... presented without further comment:

aggy YouTube wonders

aggy documenting themselves on Internet video will never not be funny.

How can you forget "Raise Up Bryan College Station"?

... or the aggy Yell Leaders getting fired up and touching their tra-la-las?

no aggy, I will not touch your tra la la

Ready for the MOST AWKWARD VIDEO EVER?

What do you notice first?

  • The "way-too-tight-and-short" shorts?
  • The shirts-tucked-into said short-shorts?
  • The (faaaaaaaabulous!) boots?
  • The uncoordinated sliding down a TINY ONE DEGREE INCINE?
  • The cheering section whooping and screeching when each aggy attempts the dangerous slide?

Oh. Wait. THE SWORD!


Remember when aggy joined the S!E!C! and they thought it was clever to promote "family unity"?

As with every other aggy joke, they didn't realize that their new conference mates were not laughing *with* them.

Grief Counseling

SevenStages.jpg

To Bevel or Not To Bevel

No, not an aggy production of Macbeth... but an honest argument about the bevel on the aggy logo, complete with website, bumper stickers, letter-writing campaigns, etc.[19]

Animal Husbandry - apparently wanting it to be literally legal

The Texas Legislature on Saturday, May 20, 2017 moved one step closer to joining the large majority of state governments that consider sexual conduct between humans and animals or fowl a crime.

Texas Senate Bill 1232, by State Sen. Joan Huffman, R-Houston, would make bestiality a state jail felony and require offenders to be added to the state’s sex offender registry. The punishment would jump to a second-degree felony if the crime occurred in the presence of a child or resulted in serious injury or death for the animal.

The legislation tentatively passed 122 to 6 and must receive final approval in the lower chamber before being sent back to the Texas Senate. The House members who voted no included state Reps. Trent Ashby, R-Lufkin; Ernest Bailes, R-Coldspring; John Cryer, R-Lockhart; John Raney, R-College Station; Gary VanDeaver, R-New Boston; and James White, R-Hillister.

Anyone wanna guess the educational background of the 6 dissenters?

Anyone?

I'll give you a hint. It starts with "a" and ends with "ggy".

  • Ashby - A graduate of Texas A&M University with a bachelor's degree in Agricultural Economics
  • Bailes - Following his graduation from Texas A&M, Bailes founded his company, Repro Select, an advanced reproductive services provider for cattle and whitetail deer producers across the south-central United States.
  • Cryer - A 1995 graduate of Texas A&M University, where he served as Commander of the Fightin’ Texas Aggie Band.
  • Raney - A member of the Texas A&M Class of 1969, graduating with a BBA in Marketing. While in college, John founded Texas Aggieland Bookstore, which has now been in operation for forty-six years.
  • VanDeaver - Holds a doctorate obtained in 1996 in professional education from Texas A&M University–Commerce.
  • White - Graduated with honors from Prairie View A&M University (a member of the Texas A&M University System) in 1986 with a Bachelor of Arts degree in political science.

One day later, they apparently realized the "optics" of their vote and filed statements that they had actually intended to vote "yes". Oopsie aggy! Your first vote for f**king sheep was recorded!

The aggy Liberty Bell

It was a Savings Bond campaign prop
Inside the Academic Building on the Texas A&M campus is a life-sized replica of the Liberty Bell, a hallowed and revered campus artifact. aggy lore (and aggy Fish Camp) explains
"A replica Liberty Bell is housed inside the rotunda. After WWII, a replica of the famous Liberty Bell was sent to each state to honor each state's contribution to the war effort. Texas is the only state that didn't keep their bell in the capitol— the Texas Governor gave the bell to Texas A&M to thank the University for the 14,130 Aggies who served in WWII."[20]

As one might suspect, this is yet another instance where aggy "lore" exists entirely as an aggy fairy tale, having little to do with reality.

Ft Worth Star-Telegram July 6, 1950
In early 1950, the U.S. Treasury launched a Savings Bond sales campaign to help finance the federal government's budget deficit. The theme of the campaign was "Save for Your Independence." To help with the campaign, the Treasury Department, aided by some private companies, commissioned 55 Liberty Bell replicas to be manufactured. These replicas were put on flat-bed trucks and sent to the various states to be used as stage props for celebrities and politicians giving sales speeches in cities and towns across the land.

By June 1950, the sales campaign had concluded and the Treasury Department simply "gifted" the stage props to each state government. Texas state officials had no logical place to house a used stage prop with no historical significance whatsoever. The administrators of Texas A&M contacted the governor and asked they be allowed to display the stage prop on their campus. Permission was granted by Gov. Allan Shivers.

The Texas replica was not given to aggy as a token of gratitude - it was given to them because they requested it and no one else wanted it.

It had nothing to do with WWII - it was a stage prop for a 1950 Savings Bond sales campaign.

It is not the only one not in a state capitol - They can be found in front of museums (LA, MI, OH OK, VT), on college campuses (MD), at a Presidential Library (MO), in parks (MO, OR), at high schools (ND), at fire stations (VA) and various other locations. http://tomlovesthelibertybell.com/liberty-bell-replica-locations/

Exactly how and when the aggy "gift as a token of gratitude" fairy tale was started, but it serves as yet another example of "aggy turdition" unquestionably being completely fabricated.

Turditions

aggy has so many bizarre "turditions", that we had to make a page of them.

Aggy turditions.jpg They're all so embarrassing, but also so representative of aggy.

"The Giving Steve"[21] agrees with his essay on "Why A&M is Just the Worst".

Poor aggy

...and to end on a positive note - a non-aggy video highlighting some of the "best of aggy"

References

  1. http://texags.com/forums/5/topics/1276730/replies/17653956
  2. http://texags.com/forums/5/topics/1276730/replies/17661249
  3. 3.0 3.1 https://web.archive.org/web/20110604073347/http://www.chron.com/CDA/archives/archive.mpl?id=1990_737358
  4. http://texags.com/forums/5/topics/533309
  5. 5.0 5.1 COMING SOON ... On an Island: Being Brandon Jones, http://texags.com/s/19089/coming-soon-on-an-island-being-brandon-jones
  6. Brandon Jones Commits To Texas Despite TexAgs Documentary About Him, http://www.goodbullhunting.com/2016/2/3/10904746/i-see-burnt-orange-people
  7. "Oops: Texas A&M will wear its 'Aggie Nights' uniforms at 11 a.m.", http://www.cbssports.com/college-football/news/oops-texas-am-will-wear-its-aggie-nights-uniforms-at-11-am/
  8. 8.0 8.1 8.2 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dennis_Franchione#Newsletter_controversy
  9. Davis, Bryan (2007-09-30). "Franchione tells players newsletter a mistake". Dallas Morning News. Retrieved 2007-09-30.
  10. Miller, John (2007-11-06). "A&M admonishes Franchione". Fort Worth Star-Telegram. Retrieved 2007-10-12.[dead link]
  11. Davis, Brian (2007-11-15). "A&M forwards 'VIP' report to NCAA". Dallas Morning News. Retrieved 2007-11-15.
  12. "Source says Texas A&M, Franchione discussing settlement". ESPN. 2007-11-05. Retrieved 2007-11-05.
  13. http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1021941/posts
  14. http://www.foxnews.com/story/2004/12/14/list-eater-on-loose-in-texas.html
  15. AGGIE FLASHBACK: The Listeater Saga, Dec 9, 2004, http://www.goodbullhunting.com/2016/12/9/13848480/aggie-flashback-the-listeater-saga-dec-9-2004-texas-a-m-tennessee-fran-donuts-cotton-bowl
  16. http://www.snopes.com/katrina/photos/aggie.asp
  17. Cops: McCain Worker Made Up Attack Story, CBS News, 10/24/08, http://www.cbsnews.com/news/cops-mccain-worker-made-up-attack-story/
  18. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clayton_Williams#1990_Texas_gubernatorial_race
  19. http://nobevel.com/
  20. Traditions at Texas A&M, http://www.tamuiba.com/traditions-at-am/
  21. "Why A&M is Just the Worst, The Giving Steve, http://www.thegivingsteve.com/why-am-is-just-the-worst/